Saturday, March 29, 2008


So many of you may or may not know but I used to be amazingly fit and teach kick-boxing. I could crescent kick anyone to the floor with one swift lift of my leg (not to brag or anything).

Which reminds me of a funny story......

This one time we were at our friends house a few years back (when I was the amazing kick boxer) and they were showing us their new basement. I noticed their punching bag set up right away. I was feeling very excited and thought I would show off my good work. I told everyone to watch me like I was some super hero getting ready for her big move. I wound up so hard and just let out this huge kick. The force I used could have caused me to do two back hand springs probably, but I am not so lucky and I lost my footing and fell to the ground after throwing myself like 6 feet up in the air. I really do blame this on Julie's ballet floor that the bag was hung over, it was a little slippery (ha ha). Anyways I think I embarrassed everyone watching me more than myself. What can I say, I was amazing. When I stopped teaching Cory gave me a punching bag for my Birthday one year, it was up in our spare bedroom and I never had the space to use it, therefore, it never came to much use.

When we were clearing out the spare bedroom a couple months ago I had my brother in law sell it for me on KSL thinking that was wise. I was just ready to sell everything in the home and start a new life as if that would help solve my problems. What a mistake!

That was before I started watching Alias. My dear friend Kamille (the dealer) persuaded me to try watching it, she brought over the first two seasons and prompted me to watch. I won't bore you with the details of my obsession, lets just say it is amazing and I am forever grateful. It has seriously been my drug the last couple of weeks. Sydney Bristow is my new best friend. I am now in the works of finding a new bag to hang in my garage with no ballet floors so I can punch the crap out of it. It will serve as my best therapy right now since that is all I feel like doing (that and a few other destructive things I have picked up from the show). Thanks Sydney for being such a good friend. Oh and did I mention that he is my new boyfriend?
P.S. I have not seen the whole series so no spoilers please.

Same Old

Hayes went to stay with Grandma and Grandpa Porter this weekend so he will be able to keep their hands full for a couple of days. We attempted to fly a kite last night, but that did not go very well because Hayes was a little emotional when my mom snuck out without him knowing. He is having a hard time with things. He doesn't like any change what so ever right now. It is so sad he doesn't like going anywhere no matter who it is with, he wants to be home right now. I am trying to think of a way to have him home more, and still stay out of the mental hospital. Even if it is a couple days a week. We will see. Cory's visit went well Thursday night, things still look like they are progressing in the right direction. He says he feels strong, the main thing holding him back is the pain. We are exhausted, but at the same time not giving up even though it feels like we do not have anymore strength left. Hopefully we can feel a little more recharged next week.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008


So.. Hayes my long lost son has been with my mom (and his other two grandma's on occasions)for quite some time now as my life progessively goes on in kaois. I miss the kid like crazy as does Cory. We can't wait until we can have a somewhat normal life and be a family again. I swear he has grown like 2 feet since I do not see him everyday and he has grown up faster than a little 3 year old boy should ever have to. I really feel like I am missing out on things in his life, that I will never get back, nor can fully enjoy right now. It is a little hardening.

However, there are some signs that he is still my mischevious boy. One day while my dad was watching him he was quiet for some time. He went to check on him and found that he had gotten naked and colored himself with every color of marker you could imagine. He even colored his 'pinkie'. What I would give for a picture of that. He said that they are all of his favorite colors so that is why he did it.

One of my visitation days I could not find him after 5 minutes of just talking to him. I heard him call me in his room and there he was, he had climbed up into the closet trying to get his moon sand on the very topshelf.

Do you see my son?

Oh, there he is, just on a shelf in his closet.

And for Easter, the Easter Egg Bunny (as Hayes would call him) came to Grandma A's house. He came over on Easter to show us what the bunny brought him. Poor little guy has been sick with what he told me was 'a little cough and a sneeze'.


As for Cory he is doing well. He has been in alot of pain, but stayed strong. We have canceled the feeding tube for now. He may need it, we will just have to see. He is still getting up though which is good. We are going down on Thursday night to see our herbalist. (thank goodness)

As for me, I am a mess. Julie had a post on her blog about daring to post a picture when you get up with no makeup. Well, here is me not only with no make up but without a shower for I don't even know how many days and along with that I don't know how long it was since I had put on makeup either.
Check out the roots of my wonderful greasy hair and my bush of eyebrows. Cory's sister came over to do my hair, thank goodness.


My mom kept on asking me if I was going to shower one day when she was over, I think she asked it like 3 times in one visit and I was just like 'ya i don't know, maybe'. So thank you so much for my cute cousin Janey who got married last weekend. Not only did I get to see some of my favorite people from Richfield and of course my fam, but it made me shower after who knows how long! Yeah! This is for you mom, 'yes I did shower.'

Thursday, March 20, 2008

A Bump in the Road

So things have been going good until yesterday when Cory's tube got clogged and eventually came out of his stomach after we messed around with it so much trying to unclog it. So he went up to the U where they tried to put it back in, no luck with that. So they have it scheduled to be put back in on Wednesday. By the time he got home his stomach spasmed into a ball of pain like it does after he has the tube put in it. By the night the pain had calmed down. I basically feel like we can do without the bumps in the road, but they just keep on coming. Cory feels like he can do well enough without the tube so he has until Wednesday to prove this, I am tracking his calories and water intake so we will see how he does. The bumps used to feel like the picture above, but now it seems more like the littlest thing that goes bad feels like this:

So here's to another bump in the road!

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Infomercial Junkie

I basically think anyone can sell me anything on an infomercial. Last night when it was very late and I was trying to help Cory with this huge pain break through I turned on the T.V. and saw this infomercial about the Fluidity machine. I started to tell myself that it was so stupid and somewhere along the way I became obsessed with this amazing machine. It probably did not help that it was almost 2am in the morning. They totally sucked me in and I am obsessed with it now, can someone please tell me that it is not that great who has maybe tried it? Please set me straight! And how does this happen, basically any infomercial that has to do with exercise equipment can just set me into a frenzy in wanting it so bad my teeth hurt, does anyone else have this problem?

Crisis Cleanse

So today we went to see our herbalist. Since last night Cory has had pain levels exceeding 11 on a scale of 1 to 10. Today she was explaining that this a Crisis Cleanse, basically it is a process when the body gets rid of or passes abnormal cells. I have been giving him stuff every 3 hours since we got home and it has helped calm it down. It should be done by the morning and the pain levels can drop down to not so intense levels again. The visit was very encouraging and went as well as could be expected. He is on a very intense program right now so everything he is taking is helping to get rid of the cancer, his neck has basically become and open exit for the cancer to leave his body. She was very happy to see how much better he is doing, besides the intense pain, he has came leaps and bounds from when we were there last.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Fresh Lime

So this is funny, this really happened and I forgot to post it. I figured since it was a brighter day today I can put this on here now. I can't always have doom and gloom...

So a couple of weeks ago Cory was feeling like a Fresh Lime from Artic Circle, so I went to go get him one. I went through the drive up and said 'I just want a fresh lime please,' the guy said 'okay, just pull up to the window.' So I pulled up to the window and he was holding his arm out with a cup and inside it was a piece of a lime. I seriously just sat there for like 3 minutes to figure this all out and I thought, oh he is joking so I laughed and got no response from him so I finally had to say, 'No, I meant a fresh lime, the drink.' He just turned away, not a smile or laugh in sight and got me a 'fresh lime drink'. I was laughing (who wouldn't), but also wondering why he did not think this was funny.


So we are home! It has been quite the transition, however. Cory did not take a good liking to the tube in his stomach. He is the 1 in 20 that it does not go smoothly for, go figure. We came home Friday night with Cory sedated basically to keep his pain level controlled with his stomach spasming out of control trying to push the tube out of his belly. This is what happened last time he had the tube and I swore to him that it would not happen again (so much for my promises!).

Since then he has been doing much better, his stomach does not hurt as bad and he has not been taking as much pain medication since we have been home. His nausea is under control now. I now have control of feeding him through his belly with the tube, which is the greatest blessing right now. He is sitting up and walking around more then he has been in the past month or so (I can't remember my sense of time anymore).

I replaced his patch last night which was a little stronger than what he was used to. It basically helped with the pain, but caused him to be drugged up so bad that he could not sleep. Again, he is the rare case where normally if you get too much drugs it makes you tired, but him it makes him loopy and wired. So I had to cut off some of the patch today to lesson the dosage, hopefully he can come back down to earth now that he is not so overdosed on the pain meds. This morning he came downstairs with a mission to move the buss stop from the front of our house. He was telling Traci this and he was so determined, I had to explain to her that he is a little overdosed on the drugs right now so his want for the bus stop to be moved is a little exaggerated.

I do have to say that the bus stop is very annoying with the kids screaming and all waiting to get on the bus every morning at 7:30am, but he has not said anything about it until this morning. So I think the bus stop is in the works to be moved already, Cory's mission is accomplished (thank you Traci, Nicole and Connie). Oh my goodness, what a riot he is on drugs huh? He just thinks he can start moving bus stops and all.

He just went on a walk to the end of the street and back home!!!! Okay, this is like the best day ever for me, let me just have a wonderful moment of joy that he walked today. I am making him walk everyday outside so if anyone wants to stop by and take him for walks that would be lovely. Also such a small and silly feat for a normal person in a normal relationship, but he also came in while I was typing this and put his hands on my shoulders and said 'I love you.' It scared me half to death, didn't know what was going on since I am so used to him laying and suffering. I seriuosly thought a stranger had broken into our house. It was just one of those out of this moment 'moments' I guess that I can explain.

I just want to say thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone out there who is praying for us and pulling us through this mess. Please don't stop praying for us! We had a ward fast yesterday and I hear it was amazing. I am so grateful for everyone, we would not be here without ya. There are too many things that friends and family have went out of there way to do for us that I can not list them all, but they have touched our hearts and I am so grateful to be so loved by so many wonderful people.

Thursday, March 13, 2008


So Cory's scan showed that the middle tumor has no blood supply and is dying. We took this as good news, but they did not really know what was going on and did not say anything about it other than that. It must be because of the FDA or legal reasons. The only thing they can offer him is chemo with no cure. We are confident that we are doing is working so we are going to continue the treatments at home. Home health care is going to be supporting some of his other needs that I can not provide him at home as well.
He got the tube through his nose and that did not go well, he ended up throwing up the tube. He actually had a pretty bad day yesterday. They tried giving him pain pills so we can go home and they made him sick. His stomach can not handle these right now. He is going to have to stick to IV meds for now and he has a patch on his back that will hopefully help.
He got a Peg tube today to control his eating. This is through his stomach. He really did not want to get this since he has had one before and hated it but I was pushing real hard for it so that it can keep him healthy when he mental can not handle pushing himself, the tube can push for him. He is out of it and has been sleeping ever since. I am ready to get home, so is Cory. They may release us tomorrow if everything goes well. My phone was dead for a couple of days because I lost my phone charger, I now have the charger and my phone is working. I may not answer though because I get no service in the rooms or I may be burned out. You can call me at the room 587-4517. I am so grateful for the huge support system we have and how generous and loving everyone has been. I love everyone, thank you for being there for us!

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Hard Times

Some may know, but for those we are not aware Cory has been in the hospital since Thursday night. He was not doing very well at all. I was so scared we ended up taking him to the emergency room Thursday night. They started him on an IV of fluids and then sent us in the ambulance to the U of U and now we are at Huntsmans. His calcium was emergency high, now it is to normal levels but he may have pneumonia. He got a cat scan today to find out more information. Since he has been getting so much fluid he was swelling up tremendously. So they have him on a diuretic to loose some of the the water he is retaining. It has been very scary the past few days, but things are calmer now and he is doing better. He is in allot of pain from his neck so they have him on morphine and they are trying a patch to see if it will last longer. He is getting a feeding tube through his nose tomorrow. He has been so sick he has not gotten any food or fluids for a couple weeks now. He is very skinny because of it. My mom has Hayes, her number is 633-3471 and her name is Mary Jane I have left her in charge of him so you can call and see if she needs help. Our room phone number is: 587-4517. I will try to keep everyone updated with his progress as we know. Thanks for all your prayers. We love you!

Monday, March 3, 2008

Happy Anniversary to us!

So it is our anniversary today. We were married March 3rd 2001. It has been 7 years! I can't believe it. I can't imagine my life without Cory so he better not give up and pull through this. I never imagined I could miss someone so much. So for all those who's husbands or loved ones are well mentally and physically, hold them extra close tonight because you can! You never realize what you have sometimes and really how much it means to you until it is slipping through the cracks. Here's to a better 8th anniversary next year, love ya honey!

7 Of my best Memories and things I love about us.

1) Our wedding day, (of course!) we forgot the wedding certificate and we were all the way down in Manti. We had to wake a lady up at her house and she drove down to the court house to write us up another one (PHEW!).

2) Hayes, couldn't imagine life without him. We both just think he hangs the moon and stars at night.

3) I hate to admit it, but I actually even miss being able to have a fight or argument. We are both so stubborn this has happened from time to time. The best fight that I can think of is when Cory bought his Toyato T100 and supposedly I had agreed to it and said it was okay. That is funny because I never did? It is pretty funny now. Who buys a vehicle without the spouse really knowing or agreeing to it.

4) Many of our vacations, even though they have not been extravagant, I love them all. One funny memory is on our way to Mesquite we stayed at Cory's grandma's house in St. George. Well, Cory went inside to get things situated like at 1am in the night and apparently Grandma Alldredge was not home. Her friend was house sitting for her and Cory almost had the cops called on him or got hit with a bat.

5) Going out to eat with Cory is my favorite thing ever! One of my favorite recent memories of food is we had a gift card to the fine dining up in Park City. We burned every cent of it. I felt like a queen.

6) I love that Cory would never come across as a romantic man, but he is and he has done the cutest and most thoughtful things for me. I love that he will also go to a stupid romantic movies with me even though he will gripe and complain afterwards. The effort to go makes up for it. We also like to buy fake wine and pretend that we are wine connoisseurs. ha ha
7) Buying our house. Cory can stew up a mean garden.

Part of Carl

So last week part of Carl turned loose, so here are some pictures to those I have been promising. Since this has came off, parts of Carl have still been coming out since the tumor was already broken up. He now has a crater in his neck the size of a golf ball.

I know it looks like I cut this out myself, but I really didn't